Died and lived to tell about it.

Well folks the unthinkable has happened, Jess dumped me. For a few reasons I think, First I loved her and I was ready to love only her. She wasnt ready for me. Second I think my leaving and my unavailability pushed her away. Third and I know this is harsh to say but I think she likes another guy. Fourth this is all part of her ritual push a guy whos close to me away. I cant stand the fact that I lost her again. I havent eaten since yesterday at lunch at UAA. I dont even feel hungry. I feel like she took a 12 gauge to my chest and stomach. I know its hard for her but im going to take this time and be alittle self centered, after all I did get dumped. everybody Ive heard from has said the same thing, we were perfect. nothing was wrong, and that is what i dont get. Sure we had issues between us all people do, but overall there wasnt much. The only thing I can think of and keep coming back to is our inability to have sex. I gave her all of me and didnt get all of her in return. I didnt care I was willing to wait and work it out but she felt she needed more men. Or actually she wanted to be "single" what the hell is that? From my perspective I had it all, I wanted for nothing why would I want less than that. Now I have nothing, not even her friendship because I cant bring myself to tell her that all I want is for this whole thing not to have happened. I just want her to hold me again and tell me we're okay. I know thats not going to happen and I wish it wasnt like this but I cant force her feelings. I personaly think that she is going to be going out with Erik by the end of the week, or if she is human when I leave. A lot of people think that its because Jerry is coming back but I dont know. Right now I cant thin about it I have to go.