Why some of us shouldn't breed.

If there is one thing that I don't want to pass on to my child, it's my compulsive mouth. Either litterally or in my writing, I think I really wounded Jess yesterday, I din't mean to. I needed some kind of outlet outside my prison called home. What I wrote kind rocked her foundation I think adn I wish I could take it all back.I have myself to blame for this whole Truit thing. If I hadnt been grounded that night would have never happened. Jess I know you'll say that this is not my fault but it is on some level. I want to claim that part and take it from you. You have enough to worry about you dont need this too. I love you, please dont hold what I said against me, I really don't want you hurt especially by me. When you read this I hope you'll feel better. I love you.

To those who knew me.

IVe had one hell of a week. My grades arent good so im grounded, my girlfriend is pissed at me, I just gave away my cat, my room is a hollow shell of what it once was and, and to top it off my girlfriend tols me yesterday that she was flirting with Truit again.Only this time she told him she had a crush on him.It's times like these when I wish I could just not care. My girlfriend loves me , I know that. I adore her though, I dont look at other girls and when I fantasize it's about her and no other. I love her so much that I cant be angry at how shes feeling but I die that shes feeling this way and I feel betrayed by her apparent lack of faith.part of me feels like shes not ready for me yet but I cant let her go. If im just being selfish I would like to know. Im not upset anymore, I wrote her kind of an angry letter last night and im not quite sure Im going to giv it to her yet. I dont want to hurt her and my being upset and dissapointed hurts her and I know that.We only seem to have troubles when other people get involved. Maybe she just hasnt given herself to me completely yet. If thats the case I can be patien, if she doesnt love enough yet I can wait for that too. I feel like we can work out anything given time but our times running out. I leave in little overtwo months. I move to palmer in two weeks. It might not be so hard if she was little more open with me.God I love her. Jessica i love you.