Come what may.

I called Jess the other day and the first thing that i noticed was that she seemed panicked and out of sorts. Se asked if i had called earlier and was in a rush to get her words out. It turns out that she was in a relatively minor accident thank God and her car was pretty trashed. She was alright though and was just in the need of some down time to calm down.When i was talking to her i realized that my first insinct was to treat her as if i was still dating her. This was obviously the wrong thing to do, idont know if she noticed but, i did and that was enough. I asked her if she had acalled Jerry yet and she said he was on his way and something hit me; she doesnt need me anymore. i have served my role i her life in the way i was needed, now i have the option of stepping aside completely and going forward, or i can remain by her side if only in a different role. I know we are through, i accept that for the most of me and even though i wish it had been different in the end i realize on many levels that what had seemed perfect at times was just because i was blinded to our many insecurities. i believe that she saw many of those throughout our relationship, and dealt with them in the best wa she knew how. I choose now and every day hereafter to remain her friend, what i felt for her was love i know it to be fact, and i cannot fault her for her feelings, but i can be with her as a friend and as a companion when i am needed. in terms of love i hope she can find somebody who is my superior in all things and someone who will not merely bow to her. she is a strong woman who needs a strong man to be her equal. she does not need someone to babysit like she did with me, she needs someone who can take care of themselves and lend a hand to her when she is in over her head. i hope she finds all of that and more in whom ever she decides to bestow that great honor. She is the second strongest i know.

" One" By either band

Have any of you ever considered the power that is contained within the word one. there are meanings behind it tht we inherently understand even if it is subconcious. It can be a beginning or and ending and even in another language there is something more powerful about our word than theirs. When thinking about the word does a person feel anything different than when saying it? I have experienced this and am now watching for any more signs of symbolism. This word has become more than just a measeure of counting, more than the beginning of anything. Why else would people write songs and for the only title use the WORD not the number, one? The word is simplistic and yet profound, nothing can take the meaning from it because we base so much off of it. When we use our currency we even have that based off of one. Sure, the number standard is ten but we keep coming back to One. One dollar, one hundred, one thousand and so on. Why does this word hold so very much power for us and can we truly understand its every nuance without seeking it conciously?

"Creeping Death"

At first all that exists is a blank state of confusion and shock, once that fades comes a tremendous amount of anger and pain, the anger is fleeting but the pain lingers long afterward, like a phantom pain in a lost limb. Every so often one succombes to dark fits of rage and depression, the only light is lost inside what is unattainable. Constant reminders of all past failings and old situations haunt every waking moment and destroy all good dreams. Memories take on a n evil feel and become hard to hold on to and what remains is nothing like the original. One has nothing but pale hopes and thoughts. Constant dissapointment rules all sense of one's existance, and doubt plagues one awake or asleep. Out side of the immediate is the sense of urgency and impetus that continues to drive one forward. One doesnt understand the force or the reason, and cant comprehend the ending but feels like there is some sort of plot that is unfolding and one becomes torn between the past and wanting to move forward. unable to open the sarcophogas yet seeking its security and safety. Such is one's pain.

Sincerely Frustrated

Im a little upset with myself right now, I cant seem to get past the hurt that I feel a good portion of the time. Im trying day after day it just never seems to lessen or go away. I know that its not fair to them or to me but my heart does not seem to care too much about fair and such. I want to be friends but a large part of me just wants this whole thing to be nothing more than a bad dream, and for me to wake up and be where I felt I belonged. I dont feel entirely comfortable expressing myself on this post which is a little wrong or in anyone up here but I need to find a way of doing so in a reliable manner. I need some one I can trust. We all know how hard that is for me. So for now Im going to call it a night as I have work in a few hours. "Sleep well and wake."

All that and a bag of nuts.

SO lets get into this huh. Things for the most part couldnt be going any better except form me getting another roommate. Weather is great, hours at work are crazy, lots of attractive girls. All in all not too shabby if I do say so myself, but since I havent said it here yet Ill say it now. My roommate is Bisexual for all of you who dont know. Im cool with it though I told him that I better not walk in on anything. God I wasnt kidding about the girls though there are a ton of girls here, and aside from them being foreign Im cool with that. They all seem to be at least a year older than me though. We'll see though I can feel it all coming back to me now all that I didnt make use of is coming back It just was lying dormant untill I needed it. Food kinda sucks here so im going to Subway a lot more than Id like but not too much. Im pretty much the hero of the rec room because of my wii. Everyone loves boxing. Were looking into a tv for our room so we can have people in there, Wink. Well for now I leave with the light. May the force be with you.