Have your Cake and eat it too

I figured I might as well post when things arent in the toilet. Im grounded right now but that isnot ground breaking information. Imworking on it and doing faily well in my work. I dont know how much its working but all I can do is try.Classes are going well, ROTC is going Well, and I got offered a tutoring job which I hope I can take. Jess and I are doing really well aside from my being grounded, but Im working on it. IVe been working out after school because I need to pass the Lifetime test out or else. I cant afford to fail really, I cant. Im pretty confident though. Ive come to a calm sort of middle ground with my family school and moving to Palmer. Not perfect but better and I didnt have to leave. Im proud of how well Im pulling things around for me, and I put cool stuff on my Blog haha, eat that ASD, you tried to stop me with your blocks but I win. I love you Jess and Im going to try and be more afffectionate tomorrow.

WHy are the simplest things always the most drawn out?

Ive come to the realization that one: I need out, two: I need to do it soon, and Three: this is one battle that I cant afford to lose and I need to be at the topmof my game in order to get everything I need. yes, need. I dont want to get out of my house but that is what is best for me and my family as far as Im concerned. My parents have very little control over me in most terms. I feel they control me too much, and my parents lay blame to "Senioritis". Part of that may be true all I know for sure is that Im not hapy with the way things are right now. I need a break from my family. It feels like its four against one when it comes to "what Cody did Wrong now."It feels like I dont have an ally in anything do. at least as far as my home goes. I know I have an ally in Jess and she will always be there for me come what may. I love her for that and much more. I could easily see myself spending all eternity with her. The only problems that we seem to have are when other people get involved in our lives. She gets upset when we cant do things tgether because my parents have decided to pose another new restriction on me.I get upset and slightly jealous of the other men in her life who got to know her almost as well as I have. part of me cant stand that they knew her first. Other people just seem to complicate us.I wish these simple things would be solved as easily as they should be. NO, they require much more thought and fighting than is really neccessary. I just wish sometimes that I didnt have to care and that the world would go on without me having to notice or participate. Then I remember the reason that I go on. Jess. Jess and any children that may come from my pairing with her, because I have no doubt in my mind that we will end up together. They need me and depend on me, therefore I need to take care of myself to see that those things happen.

"Friggin Palmer"

Yess Jess I stole your title but it sums it up better than anything I could come up with. Im moving to palmer. March 31. before prom and Large group. it sucks for a lot of reasons. mostly because I can't see Jess as often as I like. Itll turn out okay though maybe I should quit worrying and pray. It usually works I just suck at praying. I dont have a lot of faith. I love you Jess and Ill see you on the morrow.

Too little too late

So its been a while Im a loser for not having any time but things have been going pretty good lately. Now Im stressed again and Im worried that Im not going to be able to meet the expectations of those around me. I guess I just need some way of managing my time better, but I lack the dicipline. It's the week before Miliary ball michael has decided hes going to pretend to care this week and has asked for grades. God I hate that. I wish he would just get out of my buisness. It wouldnt be so bad If I had been on top of my grades and homework. I wasnt though I have failed again and now Jess is going o pay the price and it kills me that I do this to her all the time. I have a 27% in my Philosophy class. There I said it maybe now I can fix it. I have only done three out of seven assignments. Five out of nine tomorrow, and there is no way my grade is going to be up by then. I dont know how Im going to fight this battle. I think If I talk to my mom It might work out better. If by chance you do read this Jess I want you to know I lve you and Im sorry I let you down.