Ah, the sound of teen misery and love.

So, ill admit it I fail as a blog keeper. its been much too long since my last entry and I'm not sure if you can even consider that a valid entry. Here's how things are going so far, I think the awkward situation with Jess is finally done; so i can rest easy about that, schools rough and I'm worried about my grades, I hope everything comes out OK even if I have to take out loans next year and semester. I've been slacking hardcore when it comes to my physique. Ive tried to get out and hit on more women it is however difficult for me to find one that is either A) interested in me at all B) not already taken and C) not a complete freak or weirdo and as bad as it may seem I am a little shallow, Id like my next girlfriend to be someone who I am attracted to. which brings me to Mel. As a little background I think I should let any body who may come across this blog know that Mel is someone i met in seventh grade when i started going to the Boys and Girls club, which i now work at. I liked her from day one, not just as a good friend but as someone i was deeply attracted to. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way at one point. Which brings me to Sophomore year in high school. Mel and I were closer than ever and on the verge of dating, she knew how I felt and was single at the time, she kind of hinted at her liking me but never said it out loud; while this was going on there was Lauren who also had wanted me for a long time, mostly cause I wouldn't let her have me. I was just another guy to her nothing important or real. I was willing to give her a chance however if she bring herself to step outside of her "position" and say out loud and up front how she felt about me. I also made this deal with Aimee back when I was attracted to her. And while this whole love triangle was going on Jess actually was keeping her eye on me and come Harvest moon she was the only one capable of saying that she had feelings for me. So I chose her. I think there may have been a bit of manipulation in the beginning when I chose her. I believe I was trying to make Mel jealous. Needless to say it didn't work. She dated Logan instead and Lauren came up to me and asked why I didn't pick her. I told her why and we were never really good friends after that. she went to eagle river and I stayed at Chugiak. But i digress, after a while I grew attached to Jess and developed the beginnings of love toward her. This continued on through her dumping me and my Junior year even while i dated Adrianna. After Junior year I met up with Jess after she and Paden broke up and I took it to be a second chance at a failed relationship. Everything went good at first and then lies and pretend feelings destroyed our would be relationship. While this is going on Mel is living in Houston and has hooked up with Kris. After My break up I try to patch things up with people I neglected for a year to mixed results. I'm still working on some of them now. Mel is one of them I'm starting to feel those same feelings for her that I did when we were really close, and when i see her she is either really glad to seem me as a friend or has never really let go of how close we once were. I don't want to steal her from somewhere where she is happy but if I get the chance, I don't think i can keep myself from pursuing her. I'm just not sure if that is a good thing or not. Whew, finally done.